Don’t call me a survivor. I do not want to survive.

I’ve been a victim of various sexual assaults, rape attempts and rape. I survived. In a way, I agree I am a survivor. I understand why some victims waant te be called suvivors. It is the step over the status of victim. We are not victim anymore, we are survivors, we are still here.
Yes. But no. At least not for me. I do not deny the right to someone to qualify her/himself a survivor but I do not recognize me in this word.
Yes, I survived horrendous crimes. But no, I do not just want to survive. I DO NOT WANT SURVIVE. I WANT TO BE ALIVE. I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE. I WANT TO ENJOY BEING ALIVE. I deserve it. I worth it. I have the right to have it. I want it. Suviving is not good enough. PERIOD.

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