Imagine you are violently punched by a person (or 2, or 3, or 5) who is/are the double than you and then your nose is bleeding. Would you say you are weak for having let them punch you and bleeding?
If you bang yourself badly on a table and get bruises, would you say you are weak because your skin reacted to a violent shock?
If you are riding your bike and a car hits you. You are projected to the other side of the street and your leg hurts very badly. You suffer from a fracture. Would you say you are weak because your leg couldn’t resist an impact with a car?
Some people consider I am weak, me poor rape victim. Some of you consider we are weak. Weak because we suffer from PTSD, weak because any representation of sexual violence affects us, weak because if we had fought enough we would not had been raped, weak because we could not go to the police, weak because years after we are still dealing with the trauma.
Let me tell you something, yes, you who think that I am, that we are weak:
We endured sexual assaults and rape. These are crimes that let the same sequela than torture. Rape is a torture.(Actually rape is widely used as torture during war). We are dealing with torture. And you dare call us weak??????
We are weak for suffering from PTSD, anxiety, flashbacks after a rape????
Why some of you are calling us weak? Or consider us like poor little fragile things?
We are STRONG. We are STRONGER than you and that’s the problem. You can’t handle that. You want us to be weak because you need us to be weak. But we are not weak. We have been weakened by the aggression. Can you get the nuance?
My attackers let me wounded, hurt, terrified after the assaults. I feared for my health and even for my life. But I am here. And you come to tell me that I am weak.
Every day I did and still do my best to feel good. I do feel good most of time now actually and even happy but every day, every single day something reminds me my assaults. It can be an “hilarious” rape joke, a “wise” advice on how not to “get” rape like don’t go alone half naked by night in a dark street, it can be a “compliment” about how I might be wild in bed or how my body is similar to a sex toy, it can be the headline on the newspapers informing that justice cares more about the sportive career of a convicted rapist than the well being of the victim, it can be this other news that a rape victim has committed suicide following massive harassment from her attackers and their friends, it can be so many things that I think I will report here in this blog in a new rubric what reminded my assaults per day.
And I am still here. I am still fighting and I am winning. I feel more and more confident and strong to send you back your disregard and your pity.
Some of you want us to be weak because you need to feel powerful. You need to protect us because we are (at least the majority of us) girls and women (yet the weaker sex) and victims. You need us to stay a lifetime victim to get the illusion of power over us. Well, sorry but we do not need protection. We need support and help to recover faster. Not protection. Ok?
But most of you want me, you want us to be weak because you do not want to face the reality. You do not want face that you know victims, that it can happen to anyone of us. And more than everything, you do not want face the fact that you know rapists. Victims don’t rape themselves. They are raped by rapists who are an overwhelming majority of men. They can be your best friends, your sons, your brothers. In fact you are weak. You do not want admit the reality. And this helps rapists. Our strength terrifies them. If we can recover and speak out, they won’t be able to continue to act with impunity. That is why they do everything to silence their victims and blame them.
Various studies say 1 in 5 woman will be sexually assault or rape in her lifetime. That means there is quite a lot of rapists. I know there are serial rapists but I am convinced that only one rapist can’t rape 20% of the entire female population (and you should add some males victims as well). There are a lot of rapists out there. But still, the vast majority of men are not rapists. So why our society should comfort a minority of men?
Reality is horrible. That’s right. But it is not a fatality. If we face it, we can change it. I believe we all can do that.