Once again, I had to block a “suggested video” of Facebook. A video of the new trailer of the fifty shit of abuses.
Once again, I have been told that what I experienced and made me suffer until now, what required me to be in therapy and gives me horrendous flashback and panic attacks was just the beginning of a love story and that I am to proud and brainwashed by feminism to recognize that I love to be dominated, mistreated, abused and treated like a sexual object. As a woman, I am supposed to love it. If not, I am a prude (who need a big dick forced into her pussy to help her to be more sociable).
Well, this reminded me some episodes of my life when I still was in France and just before I moved for good.
I went to a dinner with some friends and friends of these friends. Among them, a guy was seated just in front of me.
I spoke with everyone around me. We spoke mainly about our studies,exams, holidays projects, etc. including my project of moving abroad.
We went all home after dinner and nothing more.
2 or 3 weeks later I went to a night club with a friend of mine and we met with some of the people who were at the dinner. The guy who was seated in front of me was there.
He came directly to me and I remember exactly what he said to me:
Him: “Hi! We met at the dinner last time. You remember? I remember you.”
Me: “Yes, that’s right we met last time at the dinner. How are you?·
Him: ·” You know, I have a lot of respect for women.
Me(what???: How are you = I have a lot of respect for women??? “…”
Him: “My mum raised us alone. She fought for us. This made me very respectful towards women.”
Me: “…oh…yes… Of course.”
Him: “But then I met some…some…can I say butterfly? Not serious at all. That was hard.”
Me: “yes.” (I was sure a “but” would come very very very soon and sadly, I was right.)
Him: “You’re so beautiful.”
Then a girl came to speak with him and I went to my friend on the dance floor. I met a friend, a guy, and we started to speak about our plan for the future. We were speaking for a while when I saw the previous guy from the dinner waving his hand to catch my attention. Once he succeeded to catch it he changed the movement of his hand into a “watch out” signal miming he would hit me. Or spank me to be exact.
The friend I was speaking with left at that moment to get a drink and the other guy came to see me and told me with a very calm and serious voice that he gonna to spank me if he sees me speaking to another guy one more time. He was smiling at the same time.
I was petrified, it was after all the shit I have been through and once again I felt paralized and frozen.
By chance, my friend, the girl I went with, came to ask me to watch her stuff while she goes to the bathroom. I pretended to go to the bathroom too and told her I was very tired. By chance again she was tired too and we left.
Before leaving we said goodbye to everyone and the guy asked for my phone number. I told him I was changing the operator and did not have a valid number at the moment. He gave me his number on a piece of paper. I was lucky enough that time he did not insisted to get a number he could reach me.
I learned days after that after the dinner he told one of his friend who was friend with my friend that he had been very impressed with me, that I was very interesting and he would love to speak with me and know more about me.
He told after the night club that he was very sad and disappointed I never called him and wondered what he could have done wrong. He was so sure he did it so well and in the most gentle manner.
Well, he thought I was interesting and when he got a chance to speak with me the only thing he did was to tell me I was beautiful (while he could have told me I am interesting) and threaten me with a spank in public for speaking with another man than him.
How could he imagine just even 1 second that it was better to reduce me to my presumed beauty and even worse to physically threaten me than to tell me I am an interesting people??????
What did he expect??? That I would apologize for speaking with a friend? That I would say that I will never speak again with someone without his authorization???? That I would laugh and be seduced by his cocky-funny approach???? That I deserved to be spanked?
How could he assumed that the best way to start to speak and flirt with me was to suggest to punish me and hurt me?
He did not know me at all. He just knew what I was studying and that I planned to move abroad. Nothing more.
Luckily I never heard about him anymore but he scared me for a while.
Just a bit before that, I have been almost obliged to date a guy I was not interested in at all. In fact, I was not interested with any guy. I studied a double bachelor degree, I studied ballet (25 hours a week) as well and I didn’t want any relationship.
But, everybody was on me. How come a beautiful girl like me could be single? No one ever thought that I was happy alone and single. But I was happy alone. And no one cared about it. I had to date some guy. And as a single I had to accept any guy. You know, the famous ” but you don’t have a boyfriend so why don’t you want have me?”.
Well, I felt obliged to say ok to have a coffee with a friend of a friend. Let’s call him G. And I insist: I accepted to have a coffee. I call the think by their name and for me a coffee is coffee. Meaning a beverage made from coffee beans.
He was quite nice actually. I think he was playing a role. The role he was taught since when he was a little boy. The role of “boys will be boys” and “girls need to be
dominated, controlled protected.
I never told him it was ok to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyway, he started to tell me that he will do everything for our couple and that it was bad to hit women. Just like that. Imagine I just say “how! What a nice weather today! Shouldn’t we go for a stroll?” and he says “It’s very bad to hit women.”
I agree of course. But??? It’s bad to hit men as well, no? Or WTF? I remember he mentioned Tina Turner’s case.
Then he started to call me to ask for what I ate. Yep. What I ate. And then told me whether it was good or bad and was happy or angry with me.
He knew I had classes in the evening but one evening he called me 18 times in 30 minutes. Yes, 18 times in 30 minutes. The last call, the 19th, was made by a friend of him telling me that he (G) loves me so much, so much that I must give him some pleasure. This is what he told me literally. I still remember it. And by pleasure he meant…sex.
G told me many many time that guys weren’t dogs and could stay days, weeks, months and “even 2 years” (to use its own words) without having sex. But if I wanted to do it right now, that will be ok with him. He does not want disappoint me and let me wait.
He mimed sexual act on me. He mimed orgasm. He asked me if I was ok with it afterwards.
I would I prefer him to ask me before.
It was just, but just after I was raped. I didn’t know what to do.
Eventually, I asked him to meet in a public space and told him i wanted to be alone because of my studies. He was quite respectful with studies and told me he understood. Then he wished me to settle with a guy “as nice as me“. I didn’t dare to ask “a man who won’t tell me what to eat and control what I am doing?” but I thought it was better telling nothing.
Well, should I mention then those 2 guys who kissed me by surprise? One at a student party because “girls like to be surprised“. We were speaking, and speaking quite well actually when he suddenly kissed me.
The other at a night club. A perfect stranger. I was with 2 friends, 2 girls when I felt someone grapping my arm strongly enough to oblige me to turn over and received is his kiss, feeling his tongue. He said “women need to be forced a little bit.”
Should I mention this guy who sent me dozens of emails telling I had a big problem because I didn’t want date him? He tried to convince me that if I did’t want to date him it was because I thought I could not be loved and needed help to understand that I should be over the moon that a guy like him wanted to date me.
Well, in fact I’ve never been approached in a respectful way by men. Or if I have been, I have been so intoxicated by controlling men that I haven’t seen the really good and nice guys coming to me.
I mean, my first experience ever was when I was 8 years old. The boy wanted to give me a kiss but I did not like him and told him “No“. He called me “whore“. I did not know what it exactly meant at that time and I am sure he did not either. But I knew it was something bad for girls and women.
Then I have been harassed and groped and assaulted from age 10 to 12 at school.
Then at 13 I have been targeted by an old man and then raped at 20 for going out alone by day, buying a bottle of mineral water.
I am not sure that was the best way to experience girl&boy relationships.
Unfortunately, knowing how much of us, women, experienced such painful stories, I am not surprised that a book that tries to turn an abusive relationship into romance can be so successful. It is the result of this “culture”. Rape culture. The one that allows a stranger telling a young women he will spank her without more notice in public and think that it is the best way to seduce her. The one that allows a guy think it is a good, roamantic idea to tell a girl what she should eat and call her every 30 seconds to check what she is doing.
And people wondered why I preferred to be single!
Luckily, not all men are like that. Some of them fight the “boys will be boys” and this idea that women likes rough, abusive relationship. They don’t consider themselves as a “dick on legs” and respect the human being who is inside every woman. I am with one of them for more than 8 years now. And it is such a great feeling.