What about loving yourself? Do you love yourself? Do you love who you are?
I do love myself. I do love who I am. But it is pretty new. I spent years hating myself. Hating absolutely everything of me.
I had to go through a lot of steps to start to love and apreciate myself but one exercise helps me a lot.
I had the chance to get some kind of body image therapy with a very good therapist. I remember the 1st session and I remember her asking me what I liked and disliked about my body. I told her that I hated everything.
She asked then which part of my body I hated most. I couldn’t name only one. I mentionned my breast first of course since the abusers used it as an excuse to assault me but I mentionned my feet, my legs, my hands, my everything.
I think it was obvious my breast was a very very very highly sensitive point so I guess that’s why she focused on my legs instead. She asked me what I didn’t like concretely. They were very muscular due to my ballet training. So I said they were very muscular.
She asked me why I thought it was bad. I said that I didn’t know, that many people made comments about how they were musculars.
She asked me why I thought they were muscular. I said because of ballet.
She asked me why I did ballet if I thought it was bad for my selfimage. I said that ballet was my breath and was giving me a lot of joy and happiness.
She asked me why I did not like the result of what was making me happy.
I was speechless.
I realised that these muscles were the result of a lot of work, a lot of effort, that these muscles and these legs allowed me to practice my passion: dance. And dance was more than a passion. It was a therapy. When I danced, I forgot all the bad things. When I danced I used my body, I could take control back of my body.
And I was saying that I hated my legs because they were too muscular because I trained too much in ballet which was what helped me to cope…
She gave me an exercise:to look at myself in a mirror and to tell to myself how I love me, how gorgeous I am, how good I am, how enough I am.
This left me helpless. I was sure I would never do that. But she pushed me to do it first with her. I felt so stupid. I was looking at me and saying : “I like my legs because they are the result of hard work” or “I think I am looking nice”.
I did not do it at home. It felt so ridiculous. But one day I did. I think it was more to convince me even more that it was stupid but little by little I started to do it seriously and regularly. Till the day I looked at me and saw clearly how valuable, worthy, beautiful and strong I was. And that I never deserved what happened to me. That was not my fault.
It is now a selfcare rutine. I like a lot watch myself in the mirror and tell me how I love who I am and how I love my body knowing that my body is me.